3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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