He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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