This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
