She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
