I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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