I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
