It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
