she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wear drunk well.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
