I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
