Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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