I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
