4 words: hood of his car
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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