Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
