umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
