did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
