how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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