you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
