Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
honey bunches of taint.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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