the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize