If that was your dad, he is hot
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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