He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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