oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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