I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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