I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
