Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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