i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
