Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
