The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
