I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
