Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize