I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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