i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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