Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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