I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
