I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
