She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
