You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
