Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
