Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize