I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
