Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
