I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
