yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
