All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize