we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
