You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
