doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
did i walk over a car last night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
