it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
