Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
