He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize