wakey wakey hands off snakey
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
