I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
