what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
