i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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