Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
