You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
