It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
