that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
