Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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