Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
