The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
