I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
