ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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