whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
