i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
