I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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