So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize