What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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