worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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