Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
