i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
