Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
