Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize