Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
