What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have post one night stand depression
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
