he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
