After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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