I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
