He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
