Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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