U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
