Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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