i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
