got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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