Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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