drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
