dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
