You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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