I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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