So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize