I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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