im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
