Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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