i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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