Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
