Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
