Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
