WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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