tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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