Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize