party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
