foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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