You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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