so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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